Check it out! Its the Pirate Team!

So... school has suddenly appeared in full swing. I was ill prepared I think. I want to tell you about something ver. fascinating though. You ready? No? Well too bad!
Here at school, there is a sailing team... Yes, they sail and compete in things like the Americas Cup except on a smaller NCAA type scale. They are looking for new members, and thus have posted flyers all around campus, what do the flyers have on them?

Yes... this is the image on the posters. Now, I am not about to be dissing on the sailing/regatta team. If I had more upper body strength I would be all about joining it... thats the original reason I was looking at the posters anyway. But this... having this image of the oh so dashing Jack Sparrow, to me, does NOT in any way imply hard work or sailing like the competitive kind. If I join this sailing team I expect that I will get to do one of two things:

1. Get to meet Johnny Depp. (This is a major pull for me, and most girls. Don't be hating gentlemen who would definitely join any club that allowed you to meet/hang out with Jessica Alba.)

2. Become a Pirate. (Like I said, this poster does not scream hard work and long hours competitively sailing through the Atlantic Ocean or wherever they go sailing. To me it says, "Join the sailing team and sail around drinking and getting into hilarious high-jinks full of danger and excitement! Perhaps you can have intense sword fights or a whirlwind but truly heartfelt romance!" But I don't know if that's what is really going down.)

SO if I do end up joining the sailing team, and I don't get to do one of those two things... I will probably quit on the spot. It seems reasonable right? To expect the advertising to match the event.

Unless it's like most other advertising, in which case the fine print on these posters says, "No Johnny Depp or Piracy unless you pirate the boat and sail to his house. If you do this we'll kick you off the sailing team. Maybe you should just go be a pirate somewhere else. Freak."

Damn. Foiled again.

"I could take you to Atlantis..."

I am finding increasingly that I am becoming hooked on the WWE... and yet I am at a loss to explain why its entertaining.

The World Wrestling Entertainment Corporation... Industry... whatever... usually doesn't appeal to... college-aged girls from the North East... but holy crap, it is so entertaining. My little brother is the one that started me on this mess, because he wanted someone to watch it with him. At first, I disliked it... and then... I found it amusing... and now... I watch it regularly. And it's not that I'm a particularly violent person (I won the Hippie award in Elementary School people!), or that I like watching men wrestle in sparkley undies (this I normally would find appealing, except most of the men in the WWE are... a little too buff and a little to hopped up on steroids to be really attractive.)

I think that what really draws me to it is the absurdity of it all. It is strange, and because it is so completely out of the ordinary... its refreshing. And its comforting to know, that most of it is scripted. So you can enjoy the good people beating up the bad people knowing that its all gonna be okay. Its like a fairy tale for boys. With a lot more punching and a lot less romance.

(Rey Mysterio, my brother's favorite Superstar)

On a completely unrelated note... there is an awesome artist known as Mark Aaron James out in the internet and music world... and I am trying desperately to find out more about him, and where I can get his song Aquaman's Lament. You see, internet, this is a fairly spectacular song, and I would very much like a copy to put on my iPod. If you haven't heard of him or any of his songs yet, I urge you to google him and check out his work. It is top notch. (This blog title, is the start of a line from Aquaman's Lament.)

Your life... Your Rules... Your Internet!!

Sometimes in life... beautiful and exciting things happen. You get lucky enough to find someone or something that makes you laugh, makes you happy, makes you believe in God again. It's an amazing, amazing experience. I have to say... that last week, I found something spectacular.

It's called Clark & Michael and stars Clark Duke and Michael Cera in about 10 minute long episodes that chronicle their attempts at writing and selling a TV show. Micahel Cera of Arrested Development and Superbad fame, and Clark are both hysterically funny. I have spent roughly the last week watching all ten ten minute episodes, and I feel better about my life. I would have finished them sooner, have no doubt, but pesky things like "classes" and "being social" prevented me from doing such. I really think I could do without those two elements in my life as they are constantly preventing me from doing things like watching all three seasons of Arrested Development consecutively, playing The Sims 2 for 8 to 9 hours at a time, and eating piles and piles of Wheatsworth (the best crackers... presumably on the planet.)

If this glowing description has not already inspired you to stop reading and go immediately watch their show at clarkandmichael.com I dont really know what will... except maybe this quote, "I noticed you've been saying 'amigo' a lot. That's very spanish of you."

Now Go Watch It!!!

Cheesecake, ukuleles and paperweights

So last night, my friend Christin and I decided to go into the city and have a bit of shopping fun. We bought dresses and kind of bummed around, in general lazy fashion. After that we felt dinner was in order, so we headed to the Cheesecake Factory. This is a lovely place to order and eat more food than a normal human needs in one day. Yes, it is wasteful. Yes, it is bad for you. And how many Americans does that stop? ... I don't know, but it certainly didn't stop us. Don't worry, I will make up for it with a heaping helping of catholic guilt and then will proceed to volunteer somewhere. I promise.

As Christin and I ate diligently, talk turned to our respective boyfriends. They are both lovely and caring men, but can be a bit... shall we say... clueless, at times. We were swapping stories of frustration when suddenly Christin trumped any strange gift and clueless boyfriend story that I had ever heard. This is how it began...

Christin: He got me a paperweight.
Me: What?
C: On vacation, he brought me back a paperweight.

This was met by a disbelieving stare, which turned to laughter. Being the wonderful girlfriend she is, she defended her man.

C: It's a nice fucking paperweight!! ... ...Even though I brought him a ukulele and a t-shirt.
M: What?! First of all, it's a paperweight, what was he thinking? Second of all, a ukulele?"
C: ... well I figured he could play it since he plays viola...

At this point we both burst into laughter. It couldn't be helped. You must admit, with gifts like paperweights and ukuleles they are perfect for each other.

But why am I telling you all this? Not to let you know about bad gifts for your significant other, or that when it comes to food I can be rather cowish, but solely so I could post this picture:



That was dessert. It was... fantastic. And I couldn't even finish the whole thing.

There was once a miscommunication between one of my friends and his family about the exact type of establishment that The Cheesecake Factory is. It is not a "factory" per se where they demonstrate the making of cheesecake. While many (myself included) find this a bit disappointing, as long as their cheesecake is served looking like that, I will keep coming back.

Passion for Fashion...

The best news of today: PROJECT RUNWAY 4!!
Apparently (so says wikipedia) it wrapped shooting in July 2007, and will air on October 24th. This is quite possibly the best news that I've had since... Karl Rove's resignation. I adore Tim Gunn and everything that is PR and have been an avid watcher since the first season. After this really long hiatus I was getting a little worried, weren't you? ("No Em, we don't give a flaming fruit." TOUGH!) One day, maybe, I will make my own reality tv contest show thingy...

Let's face it, it isn't reality... its a contest... essentially its a drawn out game show.

That can't be terribly hard to develop, can it? I'll try, right here, right now...

My "pseudo-reality-mostly-competition show" would probably have something to do with surviving on limited money while living in a building with 150 other people that you've never met and don't talk to. During the day, you'd have to go to classes and deal with other people that, more often than not, you don't talk to. You then have to live there for three months. I'd call it, COLLEGE LIFE. It's like Real World, but on a larger more boring scale.

Come on Fox... you know you want it...

How to Make a Mediocre Bunt Cake: Dealing with the Fact that During Your Life, You Will Sometimes Fail

Step 1: Be Prepared
Tried and true, the boy scouts got it right. Except this time, we're preparing, not to be eaten by bears or build fires from tissues, we are preparing for failure. Before you start, you have to be able to accept that not all ventures will be fruitful. Not all Bunt Cakes end up delicious. Even though you follow all the directions and give it your all it could still come crashing down around your hopeful little ears. That's why you have to be prepared.

After Step 1... take a break with the worrying and put your plan into action. You ask her out, you go to try-outs, you do the interview, you mix the batter and pop that baby in the oven... and sometimes you succeed. If you succeed... FAN-FRIGGIN-TASTIC! That is it, you didn't fail! Stop reading this and go succeed everywhere!! If something didn't turn out right...

Step 2: Failure
Boo. Sorry. Something went wrong. She ditched you, you tripped during dashes, you spit on your prospective employer's face, the cake tastes like shit. Sometimes, this is the way the cookie crumbles, this is the way the condom snaps, and there's no use crying over spilled milk. But you know what... sometimes it makes you feel better to cry... or maybe throw things. Do that during this step. If you're going down and feeling it hard, go out with a bang. But not too big. Don't be a bitch about it.

Step 3: Getting over it
This step... involves lots of hugs; get some of your best friends, eat some ice cream, eat some chips, have a beer (one please), and maybe do a dance. Watch some vh1 celebrity dating shows. Those are the best. Oh, and this should take like... 1 day. For reals. Grow some balls. Sometimes its hard, but it isn't the end of the world.

Step 4: Try Again
Don't not try again! That is the biggest mistake you can make. Try!! Maybe she was a bitch, the coach was high, the company is going bankrupt, and guess what, you printed that recipe from www.foodtomakepeoplepuke.com. Mistakes happen. You failed. Try again. Don't be a sissy. Man up.


That's it. A guide to failing. This blog isn't about self help... okay, sometimes it is. But mostly its just whatever I feel like writing... kind of like... everyone elses blogs are? Tomorrow... we'll talk about something else. Till then... bunt cake?